The Power of Boundaries

Ok, we hear the term stress resilience bandied about a lot, but what does it actually mean?

Well, stress resilience refers to ‘our ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress, and to bounce back from difficult experiences, maintaining psychological well-being’. 

It’s not something we usually born with, but something we develop either naturally through dealing with life’s ups and downs, but it’s also something that we can also consciously work on developing it.

For me, in my journey in healing trauma, I have found that:

• living authentically

• establishing boundaries

• accepting my current reality rather than fighting against it

• believing and trusting that I have the capacity to change my way of dealing with life

were vital in increasing my stress resilience.

In my previous post I discussed the importance of living authentically, so in this article I want to deep dive into why setting and maintaining personal boundaries is just as crucial in our emotional and physical well-being.

Society has rules as to what we can and can't do in order to maintain order and ensure things run smoothly, personal boundaries are no different.

Personal boundaries help us define what is and what isn't ok for us – they help us protect our physical, mental, and emotional health. They give us the power to prioritise our needs, avoid emotional burnout, and, most importantly, stay true to ourselves – which supports being authentic. Without personal boundaries, we are like a leaf caught in a gust of wind blown in every direction, and as you can imagine, this is exhausting.

When it comes to boundaries, there are six main ones that we can establish to protect us:

·        Physical boundaries: relate to personal space

·        Emotional boundaries: how comfortable you are sharing about your life

·        Mental boundaries: right to form and express your own beliefs and opinions

·        Social boundaries: who you spend your time with

·        Material boundaries: what possessions you’re willing to share

• Time boundaries: how you manage and protect your time

I believe that a majority of us aren't even aware of what our boundaries are, and hence have no idea of when they have been crossed or violated. We just notice that we feel angry, uncomfortable, or unsettled - we have a sense that something just happened which doesn't feel right, but we can't put our finger on what that is. Our nervous system knows something’s off, but we can’t verbalise it, which only deepens the sense of frustration and confusion.

You might think that establishing and defining your boundaries is pretty straight forward and simple. If only!!

As with anything, establishing boundaries is definitely not easy, but then anything worthwhile isn't. In the beginning, and possibly for a period of time, you may face resistance or ‘push-back’ from others. People don’t always like change, and by setting limits, you're inevitably changing the dynamic in your relationships.

You may be told that you're being childish or unreasonable, as others aren't used to you speaking up or setting limits. For individuals who are people pleasers, peace keepers or who don’t like confrontation, establishing boundaries will require a lot of practice and patience – just don’t give up at the first hurdle. The benefits of protecting your well-being through establishing boundaries, will far outweigh any temporary discomfort.

Establishing boundaries will require you to be assertive in your communication - to speak up and let others know what is and what isn't ok with you. This takes courage particularly when you might be frightened of losing your job or rocking the boat in relationships.

Boundaries aren’t just about saying ‘no’ – it’s about giving yourself permission to take up space, to protect your time, your energy, and your emotions. It’s about honoring your own needs, even if that means disappointing others sometimes. Yes, it can sometimes feel very uncomfortable – but there is a great feeling knowing that you are prioritising yourself.

During the darkest days of my trauma, the concept of personal boundaries didn’t even exist for me. I was simply trying to survive. I didn’t know that I had the right to set boundaries or that doing so would be crucial for my healing. Trauma can often violate our boundaries so thoroughly and for so long that we lose our sense of self. We forget where we end, and others begin. We start to believe that our purpose is to meet the needs of others at the expense of our own well-being.

So, for me, setting boundaries felt incredibly difficult. I had to speak up even when I was terrified of the consequences. I feared rejection, conflict, and being labeled as ‘selfish.’ But I quickly learned that by setting boundaries, I was reclaiming control over my life and taking the first steps toward healing.

I now have the capacity to say 'no' to anything that will negatively impact my wellbeing - no matter how much my knees shake in fear, or my voice cracks while saying ‘no’. My priority is, and always will be me. I know the consequences of selling myself short and it's not worth it.

Don't give up - in the beginning, start small. Practice asserting your boundaries with those closest to you, where the consequences are less severe. As you gain confidence, you’ll find it easier to stand firm with others. With each boundary you set, you’re strengthening your foundation of self-care, building resilience, and protecting yourself from emotional burnout.

·        So, where in your life do you feel stretched too thin, overwhelmed, or taken advantage of?

·        What boundaries do you need to establish to protect yourself?

·        What's one small thing you can do today to honor your needs?

Remember, without boundaries, we can easily be pushed to our limits. But with clear boundaries, you’ll be able to protect your peace, build resilience, and, most importantly, prioritise your well-being.

One boundary at a time – you’ve got this!

Rosanna Commisso - Founder, StressCare Solutions

Championing Workplace Wellbeing | Mental Health & Trauma Advocate

As the Founder of StressCare Solutions, my passion for helping organisations navigate the growing challenge of stress and trauma in the workplace, is personal.

With over 30-years’ experience spanning health, training and community services, and my own lived experience with mental health, burnout and trauma—I bring both professional insight and ‘lived experience’ understanding to my work.

My mission is simple: to empower organisations, and their staff, with the tools they need to recognise, manage, and reduce stress before it leads to burnout, and to implement trauma-informed practices to support their staff.

Through engaging, evidence-based workshops, impactful speaking engagements, and trauma-informed workplace support, I help teams build resilience, improve wellbeing, and thrive.

Let’s build healthier workplaces—together.

📩 rosanna@stresscare.com.au | 🌐 www.stresscare.com.au