Understanding Where You Are Now

Have you ever found yourself asking, "How did I get here?" - especially during moments when everything feels like it’s falling apart? I’ve certainly been there.

I remember asking myself this question many times, particularly during my 20s when it felt as though I had lost my way—lost sight of what I truly wanted, who I was and what I believed in or valued - I had no idea who I was. The only way I knew how to deal with this overwhelming stress and emotion, was through unhealthy and destructive behaviours.

Because, let's be honest, life can be tough sometimes - relationships end, we experience betrayal, we lose loved ones, jobs slip away, and financial struggles mount. The weight of it all can be crushing, so we turn to anything that offers a temporary escape—something to ease the pain, even if it’s only a short-term fix.

We comfort ourselves with junk food, we drink ourselves to sleep, we zone out on Netflix or social media, we go from relationship to relationship, hoping this new person will fill the emptiness inside.

Or we hide this inner pain by covering it up with external trappings of success and power - pushing ourselves to accumulate more ‘toys’ more ‘things’, that we believe will validate our worth, because let’s be real—who wants to sit with that deep, raw discomfort and pain? So, we distract ourselves. But these distractions only offer temporary relief and delay the inevitable.

Over time, our body and mind can no longer keep up with the pace we set, as our nervous system struggles to cope. Eventually, something gives and we experience dis-ease, either physically, mentally or emotionally.

We all carry inner pain and a sense of emptiness – it’s the human condition. The danger comes when we believe that we ‘should’ feel happy, content, peaceful all the time. We only want to feel the ‘good’ emotions and completely ignore, block, silence any feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, inadequacy, loneliness, and a sense of "not being enough."

Unfortunately, this just isn’t realistic. According to the buddha, suffering arises when 'we want reality to be different to what it actually is'.

I believe one of the reasons we lose our way in life is because we’ve become disconnected—not just from our body, but from our heart, our intuition, and that inner voice that tries to guide us. This voice speaks up when something in our life—whether it's a relationship, a job, or any other situation or person —isn’t right for us. The problem is, we're often too busy or distracted to listen to it, or we don’t know how to understand the messages it is sending us. Many of us might even doubt that it exists.

Our body is always talking to us, trying to get our attention. If you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score, you’ll know exactly what I mean - the headaches or nausea that come on Sunday night just before starting the work week etc

Deep down, I believe we all long for connection, true belonging, meaning, and purpose. Without these things, even the greatest achievements and material possessions feel hollow. Sure, we might experience fleeting joy, but deep down there’s always a nagging feeling that something is missing.

However, sometimes this desire to belong, or fit in, is so strong that we wear masks and hide our true self. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to fit in, but the issue arises when we silence, ignore, hide or neglect parts of our self just to be accepted. When we do this, our sense of wholeness is compromised, and that can leave us feeling unsettled or incomplete. We also lose a little bit of ourself when we compromise our values. In the shamanic tradition, this is referred to as "soul loss".

Belonging and connection are vital, but they must first come from within. Once we develop a strong sense of self with self-respect, self-trust, authenticity, and inner confidence, we’re better able to withstand life’s storms and the pressures of others' expectations.

To find true meaning and purpose we need to prioritise 'me time' - time spent in nature, in silence, meditation or whatever gives us a sense of peace. It’s in these quiet moments that we can reconnect with what really matters to us and identify our core values.

When was the last time you reassessed your values?  Yet understanding our values is crucial, as our values help us be clear on what's important to us, and give us a roadmap for how we want to live. If you’re unsure of what you value, there are plenty of online tools and questionnaires that can help guide you to uncover them.

So how do we change this? The answer is simple: we change it by prioritising our self through self-care. Self-care doesn’t require a complete overhaul of your life; it can be a gradual process - taking small steps towards putting yourself first - not in a selfish, egocentric or self-entitled way, but in a way that allows you to speak your truth, remove the masks, and establish boundaries to protect your time, your health and peace of mind.

So, I encourage you to do one thing every day that is solely for you—something that nurtures your mind, body and soul. Pay attention to how your body responds, and I believe you’ll feel a deep sense of gratitude within. It all begins with one small step towards you.

Rosanna Commisso - Founder, StressCare Solutions

Championing Workplace Wellbeing | Mental Health & Trauma Advocate

As the Founder of StressCare Solutions, my passion for helping organisations navigate the growing challenge of stress and trauma in the workplace, is personal.

With over 30-years’ experience spanning health, training and community services, and my own lived experience with mental health, burnout and trauma—I bring both professional insight and ‘lived experience’ understanding to my work.

My mission is simple: to empower organisations, and their staff, with the tools they need to recognise, manage, and reduce stress before it leads to burnout, and to implement trauma-informed practices to support their staff.

Through engaging, evidence-based workshops, impactful speaking engagements, and trauma-informed workplace support, I help teams build resilience, improve wellbeing, and thrive.

Let’s build healthier workplaces—together.

📩 rosanna@stresscare.com.au | 🌐 www.stresscare.com.au